spring... broken

Ah, spring. Those deliciously long days. Glorious sunsets. Sleeveless tops. Tulips abloom everywhere you turn. Passover celebrations and frilly, impractical, dry-clean-only Easter dresses.

Two weeks off of school.

No, it's good. I mean, I can afford to take ten consecutive days off of work whenever the urge strikes. Really. After all, I'm just a writer. It's not like I'm a brain surgeon or anything.

"What the hell are you doing with your kids over spring break?" my friend Bethany demands. Bethany, you see, is a brain surgeon. For real.

"I'm thinking gymnastics camp or art camp," I tell her, flipping through pages of notes and crossing my fingers that neither of these little luxuries costs more than a week at Canyon Ranch.

Look, don't get me wrong. I love my kids. Adore them, in fact. And nothing would float my boat more than frolicking with them for a solid, uninterrupted week, preferably on an exotic beach. We just don't have the funds for that sort of getaway right now. Plus I'm up to my eyeballs in deadlines and really can't afford to miss a week of work. Because of this, I will have to muster the energy to respond to a string of inquisitions that all sound something like, "Why can't we go to Colorado/Cabo/the Caymans like Haley/Hunter/Hannah's family?"

Turns out, finding a singular ongoing activity that is age-appropriate for two or more children that said children are equally enthusiastic about is harder than finding a strapless bra that works without the addition of duct tape. Alas my youngest missed the age deadline for gymnastics camp (by a lousy, bloody, stinkin' week!) and my oldest doesn't want to do art camp. This is because she has her heart set on zoo camp, which again is not appropriate for her younger sister (who "definitely, definitely" doesn't want to go to zoo camp—never mind that she doesn't know what it is and can't go anyhow—so the point is mostly moot). Separate activities mean a) I'm still not getting any work done because I'm driving all over town all day, and b) there are no additional-child discounts, which to me is just a tragic waste.

So my kids are staying home this spring break. With me. I'll get nothing done, they'll watch more TV than I'd prefer them to see in a year's time, and hopefully we won't kill each other. If nothing else, it'll be good practice for summer.